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Friday, November 28, 2008

Disappointment Doesn't Always Mean Failure

I remember when this thought first came to my mind. I was really wanting to go on a missions trip to China several years ago, and for a number of reasons, it didn't happen. Well, it didn't happen then. I was very disappointed. I felt defeated. I felt as if I must not have done all I could have done.

But then this thought was spoken to my heart. The thought, though simple in concept, certainly didn't fit the frame of mind I was in at the time, so I know it was a God thing.

I was reminded of this same thought late one night recently as I ended a pretty full day of feeling intense disappointment, and feeling like a failure. There are times in our lives, even as small children, when we are denied things we want. I was walking through the grocery store recently and overheard (how could you NOT) a young child pleading with her mom how she needed a certain toy or she would surely die. There is a difference between what we want and what we need.

God is keenly aware of our wants and needs. He, however, has a God's-eye-view of our lives and our situations which means He knows what we truly need, long before we do.

As I write this, I have to admit that I'm not feeling it. I am still struggling with human fears, human emotions. I know very well that they don't bring out my best. But I also know what I'm writing is the truth. I'm writing this because I need to. I need my body to make some kind of outward response to what I know is true. My brain and my faith say one thing, my heart is saying another.

I have had times where I was able to plow through obstacles by simply singing praise and worship songs in my home, my office or in my car. Or just walking around a store. I have to admit, I'm just not able to right now. Now before you lose complete respect for me, know that I know this is temporary. I know the truth about feelings. I know that in our human relationships, times come when we just don't feel the love we have with one another.

Right now, I'm not feeling it. But that's OK. I'm not turning my back. I'm dealing with my feelings, but doing my best not to let my feelings auger me into the ground. God knows I'm just not able to sing praise right now. But He also knows I love Him and am still committed to Him. He will be right there waiting to hear me sing to Him when I'm ready, just as He's right here with me now feeding my heart as I write this.

My heart is hungry. This feeding may take some time.

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