Appreciate the rain

As I was driving home in the rain yesterday afternoon, I found myself eager to sit down and begin writing. There was a certain inspiration I felt as I considered the scene of sitting down at the computer, facing the window and watching the rain fall.

When we think of rain, we think of a variety of things. For some, it's the clean air. The smell of the outdoors after a rainfall is refreshing. In California, it means the hillsides which turn brown in the summer will soon be returning to a lush green. For others, the rain means inconvenience. The roads can be hazardous.

All these things are true.

In our language, we attribute positive and negative qualities to people using weather terms. We say positive people are a "ray of sunshine", while negative people "have a cloud over their head". When we try to find something positive in a negative situation, we say "every cloud has a silver lining".

As I felt inspired to come home and begin to write as the rain fell, it dawned on me that we need the rain of life in so many ways. I remember as a child, rainy days kept us indoors. No playing outside. A day or two...no problem. A week or more, and you felt like a prisoner. But when we were confined to staying in, we had some special times. Sitting by the fireplace, playing board games. Watching old movies. Eating some great hot meals. Listening to music. Talking. It brought togetherness, rather than the typical routine of everyone off in different directions.

Life hands us a lot of rainy days. And no, I'm not talking about the weather anymore. Things happen which alter our routines. It can be the loss of a job or business. A broken relationship. Health problems. Emergency repairs on your car or home. Nobody enjoys these things. But it is in times like these that our lives must slow down. It's in times like these when we must find togetherness with our families and true friends. It's in times like these that we must spend time talking to, and more importantly, listening to God.

The rain brings balance to the earth, and our lives. While the sunshine is wonderful, too much of it can lead to a drought. If everything went smoothly and easily in life, it would be easy for us to not appreciate our blessings. We would end up in a spiritual drought. Don't you appreciate good health right after you've been sick? Isn't it nice to be able to eat solid foods after you've had the flu? To be able to swallow pain-free after suffering through a sore throat? Do you even think about these things when everything is "normal"?

The "rain" in life brings an opportunity to appreciate. The relationships we've built in life were made for times like these. Remember, it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. But when the rain came, what he built protected him and carried him through the storm. So right now, if the rain in life isn't coming down on you, it will. So build that "ark". Maintain it. Fill it with the things you'll need to endure the storm.

When the sun comes out again, appreciate it. And appreciate the rain that made the sun a welcome sight.

Ten years later

Today, we recognize the ten year anniversary of the day that changed not only our country, but our world. It has been more than six months since I last posted anything on Crossing Paths, but I could think of no better moment to post again.

As such, I will actually post two pieces written while the smoke still billowed from what was the twin towers. The first is a journal entry I wrote on that fateful day. It is brief, but captured my thoughts at the time so that I wouldn't forget. It was a letter to God.

Today our nation was attacked by foreign terrorists. They have hijacked planes and crashed them into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

Lord, I pray for mercy upon our country and for those who are trapped and injured. Comfort those who need comfort. Be with the families of those who have been injured and killed.

These terrorists probably hope to bring our country to its knees.

Let that be so.

The second piece is a prayer written by Max Lucado on September 14, 2001.

Dear Lord,

We're still hoping we'll wake up. We're still hoping we'll open a sleepy eye and think, What a horrible dream.

But we won't, will we, Father? What we saw was not a dream. Planes did gouge towers. Flames did consume our fortress. People did perish. It was no dream and, dear Father, we are sad.

There is a ballet dancer who will no longer dance and a doctor who will no longer heal. A church has lost her priest, a classroom is minus a teacher. Cora ran a food pantry. Paige was a counselor and Dana, dearest Father, Dana was only three years old. (Who held her in those final moments?)

We are sad, Father. For as the innocent are buried, our innocence is buried as well. We thought we were safe. Perhaps we should have known better. But we didn't.

And so we come to you. We don't ask you for help; we beg you for it. We don't request it; we implore it. We know what you can do. We've read the accounts. We've pondered the stories and now we plead, Do it again, Lord. Do it again.

Remember Joseph? You rescued him from the pit. You can do the same for us. Do it again, Lord.

Remember the Hebrews in Egypt? You protected their children from the angel of death. We have children, too, Lord. Do it again.

And Sarah? Remember her prayers? You heard them. Joshua? Remember his fears? You inspired him. The women

at the tomb? You resurrected their hope. The doubts of Thomas? You took them away. Do it again, Lord. Do it again.

You changed Daniel from a captive into a king's counselor. You took Peter the fisherman and made him Peter an apostle. Because of you, David went from leading sheep to leading armies. Do it again, Lord, for we need counselors today, Lord. We need apostles. We need leaders. Do it again, dear Lord.

Most of all, do again what you did at Calvary. What we saw here on that Tuesday, you saw there on that Friday. Innocence slaughtered. Goodness murdered. Mothers weeping. Evil dancing. Just as the ash fell on our children, the darkness fell on your Son. Just as our towers were shattered, the very Tower of Eternity was pierced.

And by dusk, heaven's sweetest song was silent, buried behind a rock.

But you did not waver, O Lord. You did not waver. After three days in a dark hole, you rolled the rock and rumbled the earth and turned the darkest Friday into the brightest Sunday. Do it again, Lord. Grant us a September Easter.

We thank you, dear Father, for these hours of unity. Disaster has done what discussion could not. Doctrinal fences have fallen. Republicans are standing with Democrats. Skin colors have been covered by the ash of burning buildings. We thank you for these hours of unity.

And we thank you for these hours of prayer. The Enemy sought to bring us to our knees and succeeded. He had no idea, however, that we would kneel before you. And he has no idea what you can do.

Let your mercy be upon our President, Vice President, and their families. Grant to those who lead us wisdom beyond their years and experience. Have mercy upon the souls who have departed and the wounded who remain. Give us grace that we might forgive and faith that we might believe.

And look kindly upon your church. For two thousand years you've used her to heal a hurting world.

Do it again, Lord. Do it again.

Through Christ, Amen.

Winning? Really?

Whether you want to or not, you're probably painfully aware of the recent goings-on in the life of Charlie Sheen. This post isn't so much specifically about him, but something you've probably noticed as his theme if you have seen, heard or read excerpts of his recent media interviews. Below is a video I found which is a compilation of many of these interviews.


Over the past year, I have become acquainted with an individual who makes Charlie Sheen look like Justin Bieber. That being said, there are numerous similarities that have caught my attention.

Sadly, drugs are the common fuel to their manic behavior. This fixation they have with winning is what has really captured my intrigue. I have seen the individual in my personal life being hell bent on ruining the lives of people they once loved. If he put his energy and time into a focused effort to be successful in his own life, he'd be a world changer. However, his lust for "winning" has only made his own life more complicated. But he still considers himself a "winner" because his behavior has made the lives of others more miserable.

I have often compared life to the game of golf. In golf, you don't play defense. You have no control over the performance of your competitors. Your sole nemesis is the course, itself. If you find yourself paying too much attention with what others are doing, you can't possibly concentrate on your own performance against the course, making it impossible to do your very best.

Life, like golf, is challenging and complicated. We all have our hands full just navigating our own way through it. People like Sheen and this other individual define "winning" in an unhealthy and destructive way. They see people who don't share their views as enemies. Winning isn't simply living a meaningful life and providing for their families. To them, winning can involve burning their own lives into a smoldering heap...as long as the lives of their perceived enemies are also wrecked.

Winning?

What I have found in these individuals is they do not have a simple quality that I bet you and I share. You and I find the value and necessity to have something in our lives that is bigger than ourselves. You and I exercise this by helping others, providing for family, serving in church, volunteering and contributing to charitable organizations, etc.

These others are narcissistic. They lack the element that values anything other than their own interests.

Sadly, I have no answers in turning these people around aside from prayer. You can't talk to them. You can't reason with them. You can't compel them with emotional pleas. They hit rock bottom, but their egos won't allow them to acknowledge the train wreck their lives are. Instead, they aggressively pursue taking others down.

I choose to live according to the principles of Philippians 2:3-4.

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

2011, here we come

Well, here we are. 2011. Crazy, huh? Does it feel like 11 years to you when you consider all the hoopla over Y2K?

At any rate, it is a new year. As Ladyfriend and I were reminiscing over the recently concluded 2010, we summarized it as The Tale of Two Cities year. You know, the best of times and the worst of times. I don't think anyone has ever had a year that was 100% good, or 100% bad. The question isn't about balance, but severity. For me, 2009 was good for many reasons, but very difficult primarily due to the loss of my mom.

For many of us, difficult circumstances from 2010 will carry over into 2011. For all of us, we can't know to what degree life will be difficult or wonderful. Rest assured, this year will hold for all of us laughter and tears. There will be joy and pain. There will be victories and defeat. In all these things, we will be better and stronger 365 days from now if we learn from each of these experiences the life lessons packed within them.

Attitude is everything. With determination and integrity, with dignity and grace, take on the challenges and opportunities this year will hold for you. I have been around long enough to know from experience that God will not allow anything in my life that He can't see me through. Much of what I have gone through is bigger than me, but not bigger than Him. It's not my promise, but God's that we can do all things through Him and His strength.

It's my prayer that you have a wonderful year. I sure intend to. But no matter what lies ahead, I pray that 365 days from now, when we look back and assess the events of 2011, we can each testify to the power of God's love and strength to see us through it all.

Dousing or fanning the flames of bitterness

Maybe it's the soothing piano Christmas music playing in the background as I write this, or maybe it's just last night's pizza getting the best of me. Either way, I think some of the mysteries of forgiveness are coming clearer to me.

I don't write drafts to my blog posts or anything. I don't rehearse what I'm going to say. I'm not even sure I know how to put into words what I'm sensing in my heart. But we'll see what happens together.

If you read any or all of my posts from last week, you'll know that this year has been one in which I've received a real education on dealing with the most difficult of people. I haven't learned this by having to deal directly with one or more difficult people, but by simply observing. I won't go over all the details, but if you go back and read some of my more recent posts, you might be able to get a tiny glimpse of how it all works together.

I ended Friday's post by admitting that while learning the difference between revenge and justice, I didn't understand where forgiveness fits in. I struggle with what the definition of forgiveness is. In grade school we were taught that we were to "forgive and forget". I've grown to realize that forgetting is not really part of the equation. If we were to forget, we might easily get duped into repeating the steps which put us in a position to get burned in the first place. You know the saying. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

When you're dealing with someone who seems to spend hours of their day devising ways to mess up your life, forgiveness is a real challenge. Do we keep absolving them for all their misdeeds?

I'm learning that it is not always in our ability to pardon someone. Forgiveness in the active sense, meaning every single day, is the act of not dwelling on the things they've done. Sure, we may have to run around and put out all the fires we come across that they set in our lives. But if we spend our time not only putting out today's fires, but getting all worked up over the fires they set last week, the week before that, last month, and that one time that every time we think about it, we get chest pains, we are harboring resentment.

This is where forgiveness comes in.

Keep in mind, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. You won't find anywhere in the bible that it says to forgive and forget. We are not called to be suckers. This is especially true when the offending party has not asked for forgiveness or changed their behavior. In this context, we need to be mindful of the wrongdoings, but not let them stockpile in our heart so we become bitter and resentful. It's been said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. The other person is just merrily going through life, while we're spewing our emotions like Mount Vesuvius.

It's one thing to keep a record of the things someone else has done to you. It's another to relive the agony of those things over and over again. When this happens, they win, you lose. When you get all twisted up over something they did in the past, they get more bang for their buck.

The reason people delight in doing evil to you is because it ruins your day. Why they're like that, I'll never know. But they are. When you can get to the point that their deeds can't penetrate you, that will completely turn them inside out. More importantly, you rid yourself of the poison.

I know, I know...easier said than done. True. But it can be done. Start now. When you find yourself stewing on something from the past, choose to let go of your feelings. Don't forget the wrong, but don't harbor the feelings. When you're putting out the fire they set for you today, put it out. Deal with it. But don't give them the victory by letting it consume you.

I pity the person who has nothing more important in their life than to scheme to ruin the lives of others. Maybe you've heard the saying that the best revenge is living well (George Herbert). Not to re-open the revenge thing, but I do agree that by brushing off the soot of those fires, and continuing to live a fulfilling life will do two things. It will give you a sense of purpose beyond "firefighting", and it will minimize the influence of the "arsonist".

Live your life free of resentment and bitterness. Put out those fires. Do what you need to do. But don't let the fire consume you!

Revenge vs. Justice, another afterthought

I've been thinking more about Tom's email question from yesterday. I've been thinking about what mercy is. My personal definition of mercy is having the power, ability or authority to take harsh action, but choosing not to. When I consider what revenge is, not seeking it is, to me, an act of mercy. I'm not saying that there is anything wonderfully noble in not seeking revenge. But at it's base, it is an act of mercy.

By definition, we do not deserve mercy. Mercy is a gift from those who are within their rights to punish us for our misdeeds.

There are times when we are to take action against those who have wronged us. Then there are times we show mercy and let it go. In all things, we are to have a forgiving spirit. It will take someone smarter and wiser than I to spell out how and when to do all that. All I know is that in my experience, I've just known in my heart when it's time to fight back, and when it's been time to simply let it go. That same smart person will also have to explain how to have a forgiving spirit when you're in the process of fighting back.

I haven't reached that level in my education just yet. If I figure it out, I'll be sure to pass it along.

In the meantime, I'm at the revenge vs. justice chapter of the class. It's been a revelation of sorts, and it's been valuable to me. Thank God we're never too old to learn like little children.

Revenge vs. Justice, part 2

I received a great email question today from my friend Tom. He read yesterday's post about revenge and justice. I'd like to share his question with you.

"isn't mercy what we should seek? Justice, evenly applied, would ultimately mean the annihilation of the human race (...for all have fallen short...)."

This is a great question, and caused me to think deeper. Tom is correct that if justice were applied literally by God, we would be wiped out. The bible tells us that the wages of sin is death. Therefore, since we all have sinned and fallen short, we are deserving of death. However, God's grace and mercy, provided to us by the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, has been extended to us. Ultimately, God has extended to us mercy and grace for the wages of sin. That doesn't mean, however, that all will escape the consequences for sin.

I watched a recent interview with former President George W. Bush. When he was questioned about what his feelings were in the wake of 9/11, he responded that he knew the United States needed to respond to this act of war. However, he made it clear that it was not revenge, but justice we were to seek. Revenge would have been wiping Afghanistan off the map. An eye for an eye. Justice meant targeting those who were directly responsible for the acts of war and terrorism against our country. For example, Saddam Hussein was apprehended and put through the legal process in Iraq. The consequences for his actions, according to their system, was death by hanging.

In yesterday's post, I made the distinction that revenge is when we take action ourselves. In essence, taking justice into our own hands. True justice is in releasing the outcome to an authority beyond ourselves. That's why we have law enforcement. That's why we have courts. In this life, there is a system in place to enforce justice. It doesn't always work out the way we think it should. Whether it's a legal matter, or simply a moral or spiritual issue, God's justice supersedes everything else. It's up to God whether to show mercy, or to allow harsh consequences on us for wrongdoing.

For much of this year, I've had a front row seat to witness some of the most flagrant offenses one person could commit against another. It would be easy for the victim of these actions, or someone else on their behalf, to take matters into their own hands to seek revenge. I am getting a real education on the mercy and patience it takes to use the system in place in pursuit of justice. Whether the other party goes to jail, is stripped of some of, or all their earthly wealth, or gets away with it, will all be in the hands of a judge at some point.

Summarizing all this, as best I can, I come to this. Revenge is us acting as judge, jury and executioner. This is not our role, and it is inconsistent with God's plan for us. Justice requires that we behave in a manner that is legal and consistent with the standard God has set for us. Justice is defined by an authority greater than ourselves.

I am learning that as frustrating and exhausting as it can be waiting for justice, there is a soothing peace we have in being true to God through it all. God is faithful to us when we are faithful to Him. Even if things don't go as we would like, I trust that God's plan will be done as we remain humble, obedient and open to seeing His hand in it all.

Revenge vs. Justice

I've never had a year quite like 2010. One of the most significant life lessons I've faced this year has been learning the significant difference between revenge and justice.

When I see someone treated with such cruelty by another person or entity, I deal with the human urge to see the other party not only make things right, but suffer consequences for their misdeeds. Hey, I'm not greedy about it. I think the punishment should fit the crime. What is so hard for me is when people seem to skate through life avoiding consequences for their destructive behavior.

I'm learning that revenge is very different from justice. Revenge is the act of myself focusing too much on what happens to the other person. Revenge is in my hands. Justice is not. Justice requires my focus to be on simply doing the right thing. It's about me letting go of things which are out of my control.

There are times in this world when it seems that justice does not prevail. Things just don't go the way we think they ought to go. However, we must find satisfaction in that we did right. We must find fulfillment in maintaining our integrity and not stooping to the level of those who have done us wrong.

There will be times when justice is meted out not in this world, but by God. Likewise, God is a giver of rewards when we demonstrate Christlike behavior.

I have made some major mistakes in my life. I have had consequences for many of them. However, more often than not, I have received God's mercy in not getting what I deserved. Instead, I received what I didn't deserve.

God's grace.

I'm still learning to be a giver of grace to those who I feel don't deserve it. In the course of writing this, I revisited the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5. Verses 2-14 speak most directly to the attitudes we should demonstrate. I don't know if this particular topic is relevant to anyone else, or just myself. But it is something I'm working on. Something tells me that this will be a work in progress for the rest of my life. But I will certainly do my best.

The relief in not understanding

This year has been most unusual for me. As we approach Thanksgiving, I typically find myself being introspective and retrospective. In doing each, I discover the beautiful mess this year has been. I have discovered the sheer beauty in not worrying about trying to understand everything, and just letting it happen.

In what seemed at the time to be going with the flow in life, some seen and unseen extraordinary things were happening in my life. From a seemingly chance encounter which evolved into a life-altering relationship, to moments of sheer frustration which proved to be God's providential hand of protection.

I've always subscribed to the thought that life can only be lived forward, but understood in reverse. The past few years have been loaded with this kind of revelation. Hardly a day goes by without a layer of understanding being added to my life. But the most liberating understanding has come in finding the peace in not needing to understand everything.

I pray every single day that God would order my steps. I pray for His guidance, His wisdom, His protection, His provision and His strength as I go through my day. I find myself worrying less. I find myself trusting more.

Have you ever found yourself frustrated when you leave a location, get in the car, drive a half mile down the road, only to realize you forgot something? You drive back to the point of origin, muttering insults to yourself, get that item, then return to your car. You're all upset that you just wasted 5 minutes you'll never get back. But en route to your destination, you pass a car accident that very likely may have included you had it not been for the momentary diversion.

I have had numerous experiences like that, even in the past several weeks. I can easily connect the dots from the "ahh crap" moment, to the "ahh ha!" moment. I can see God's fingerprints on everything, including the inconveniences in life.

I am learning the great relief it is to embrace the seemingly mundane inconveniences and occurrences in life, and see that those very things may serve a greater significance in the big picture that I'm unable to see at the moment.

God has been faithful to answer my daily requests. As a planner, a person who sees an invisible itinerary mapping out each day, this new mindset has been a long time in the making.

⁹ A man’s heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.

~Proverbs 16:9

²³ The LORD makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

~Psalms 37:23-24

The voice of insecurity

As I mentioned a couple days ago, there was a significant part of my life when I was hampered by insecurity. Insecurity is such a destructive force. In most cases, it is created brick upon brick by words others heap on us.

I grew up already feeling as if I were inferior to my peers. I have a skin disorder known as Vitiligo. You have probably seen it at some point, even if you don't realize it. It's painless. It's not a disease. It simply is where the pigment in skin is dead in some areas. On a person, such as myself, who is naturally darker...it is a very obvious condition when my natural skin tone is juxtaposed by very white patches. It was very prominent on my hands as I grew up, so I spent a lot of time with my hands in my pockets. I felt everyone was staring at me. It was not uncommon for kids to come to me and ask, "what happened to your hands? Were you burned?"

Another brick.

After years and years of feeling inferior, the wall I had built had evolved into a prison of my own making. I had little self confidence. Even in areas where I excelled, I couldn't allow myself to accept compliments.

So many of us are bound by unpleasant experiences from our past. Many of us were influenced by negative, even downright mean people. Their voices ring in our heads and hearts. Their words echo.

I don't know about you, but I have found that those who pound me with negativity are loaded with their own insecurities. They feel they are creating a greater margin of perceived superiority by knocking me down, rung by rung. In reality, they are exposing their own weakness.

I have found personal victory over my insecurities by not living or dying by the perceptions of others. I took an honest and deep look within myself. I asked God to show me His view of me. With that, I gained a perspective I had never seen before. I took to heart what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 10:18, that the Lord's approval is all I need.

Since that time, I have found tremendous fulfillment in my personal relationships. I have allowed myself to be...well, myself. I am who God created me to be. While I'm far from perfect, I am a work in progress. His masterpiece. The same is true for you.

We are all products of our environments. If you were, or are part of a negative element, you will find a transformation waiting for you when you cut away from the negative and immerse yourself in God's truth.

⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

~2 Corinthians 10:4-5

It's time to put an end to the destructive pattern and power of insecurity. Instead of you living in a prison of insecurity and negativity, it's time to put those thoughts, those experiences and those words into captivity, and you walk in freedom!

Victory in God's silence

Having been around for a few years now, I have learned a very significant lesson. At one time, I figured I was the only one walking among us who had vulnerabilities and challenges. I thought others had their act together and I was the one loaded with all the insecurities.

Since then, I've learned that we all have our issues. Each of us are different, and each of us have different experiences and triggers which attack our vulnerabilities. Some of us are better at overcoming our issues, and others of us struggle to survive the battles. Sometimes we're strong and impervious, and other times, we just don't have the strength to battle it.

Here's a little exercise for you. Imagine you are the devil. If you were him, and your objective was to mess with you and ruin your day, what would you do? What part of your life would you attack? In warfare, you are always looking to exploit your enemy's weakness. Where are you vulnerable? Self esteem? Drugs? Alcohol? Dead end relationships? Money? Loneliness? Depression? If you were the devil, what would be your number one target?

Here's the thing. When we are most vulnerable, the battle isn't lost when we're attacked. The battle is lost when we perpetuate the enemy's strategy. Imagine a boxing match. Picture one guy beating the stuffing out of the other. Now imagine the guy absorbing the punishment beginning to take over for his opponent by punching himself. You see, when we give in to those areas where we are vulnerable, we begin doing the enemy's work for him. When we doubt, when we get down on ourselves, when we do things to our bodies that are harmful to us and/or others...the devil is sitting back in his chair, hands clasped behind his head and feet on his desk, and we take over for him in blowing up our own lives.

As silly as the picture is of the boxer beating himself to a pulp, how much more sense does it make that we do the same things to ourselves when the going gets tough?

You already know where you are vulnerable. Do you know where the devil is weakest? The only counter strike you need to the enemy's lies is God's truth. Instead of beating yourself with words of negativity, instead of putting things in your body which are destructive, instead of resorting to bad habits which hurt you, begin to recite God's promises for you.

Remind yourself, and your enemy that no weapon formed against you will prosper (Isaiah 54:17), and that you will reject any accusation the enemy hurls at you.

Remind yourself and the devil that greater is the God within you than anyone and anything else who is out to mess you over. (1 John 4:4)

Remind yourself and the devil that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14. In fact, read ALL of Psalm 139.)

Remind yourself and the devil that God has plans for your future. He has good things in store for you. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Many of us are going through unspeakably difficult situations right now. Some of us have been through some horrible things in the past, but the ripple effect still touches our lives today. In these times, I can't promise you that it will all be better immediately. In fact, it's likely that you will have to persevere a bit longer. But this is when our maturity is tested and strengthened. In those dark times, we must choose to focus our lives on God's truth rather than the enemy's lies.

As I was creating this post, I heard a song for the very first time that I want to share with you. It's no coincidence that I heard it when I did, and I trust that this post and the song will speak to you, or someone you know. The song is by Superchic[k], called Beauty From Pain. It is featured in my playlist in the right column of my blog page. I encourage you to listen intently to the lyrics. There are times we question why things have happened to us the way they did. But even in the darkness, even in the confusion, even in the pain, God can pulverize those things together in order to make something beautiful and precious in your life.

Don't give in. Stand strong. Know that God is there. He may seem silent, but His words can be heard in your spirit when you recite His promises to you. He longs to hear your voice speak of His love for you.

At the fork in the road...take it (Part 2)

On Friday, I wrote about the inevitable fork in the road we all must face at times in our lives. But what happens when the decision is made? As Ladyfriend likes to say, "then what?"

It's unavoidable. When you've made a commitment to a direction, you will face difficulties. If not immediately, eventually. When I moved to Rocklin, I got laid off of three different jobs in my first six months, and my mom passed away. Many years earlier, when my parents sold all they had to move to Costa Rica to start a ministry, they faced difficulties that would make lesser people crumble. That's the thing. When you make a choice to get serious with God, and you choose the path that requires faith in Him, you will face obstacles and challenges that will cause you to question your decision.

Know this up front. It's going to happen.

This doesn't make you a bad person. This doesn't mean you're a bad Christian. It means that you're human. Yeah, I know. Deal with it.

But when you face difficulties, stick with it! Indecision and doubt will paralyze you. Proverbs 16:3 tells us to commit it all to the Lord. Dedicate what you're doing to the Lord, and He will bless it. He will see that you succeed. The key is, you have to submit your definition of success to God's definition. God's definition isn't necessarily what ours is. People evaluate success by what they can see. The clothes you wear. The car you drive. The house you live in. God evaluates success by what is not visible to the naked eye. What happens in your heart will eventually manifest itself in visible, tangible ways. Whether your heart is evil, or filled with God's love, your heart will be exposed in time.

If you're truly committed to reaching new heights in your faith, you must be willing to plunge to new depths of life experiences. Battles are not won without getting some dirt on your uniform. Taking enemy ground means having to traverse some unpleasant terrain. It's simply the way things are. But in doing so, you will discover your ability to go far beyond your perceived limitations. I thought I knew where my breaking points were. But the only way I could see what I was capable of, was to trust God when I was marching into the teeth of difficulties. I was in too deep. There was no turning back. I was committed. Still, with no regret.

I know I'm not painting a rosy picture. I would be doing you a disservice by telling you that navigating the road less traveled would be like cruising the New England countryside in October. As I have said frequently, time moves forward. By virtue of that, we have no choice but to move forward, as well. Time is like a bulldozer at our backs. It is always nudging, pushing, even forcing us to face things in front of us. The only way we can get past obstacles is to go through them. Think of video games. The only way to get to the next level is to successfully complete the one you're on. You can't say, "nah, this one's too tough. I'll just skip it." There is no greater feeling of accomplishment than overcoming obstacles. Face the challenge, and overcome!

The path of least resistance will not make you stronger in life. If you're serious about being an achiever, an overcomer, then you have to meet your challenges head on. Strap on your armor. Put on your helmet. Grab your sword and shield. Give your best war cry, and watch what God can do in and through you!

At the fork in the road...take it (Part 1)

There are times in our lives when we face difficult decisions. Often, there is no clear evidence that one way is good, while the other is bad. It's normal that each path has its share of pros and cons, especially from the limited view and perspective we have at the moment.

Just over two years ago, I faced a significant fork in the road in my own life. The decision to stay in San Jose, or to move to a new area. I loved San Jose. I was very involved and firmly planted in my church. I had wonderful friends. I had a good job. As a sports fan, I was anywhere from a few minutes from the arena to see the Sharks, to 45 minutes to the ballpark to see the Giants. But at the same time, there was something within me that was unsettled.

I know what you're thinking, but I don't eat sushi.

I was presented with a situation that would mean me relocating to Rocklin, about 140 miles from San Jose. The situation wasn't something that was once-in-a-lifetime or anything. It was actually nothing that significant at face value. But I could see that the ripple effect from going down that road would be life-changing. Eventually, I stood at the place where my next step would have to be a commitment to one way or the other.

There is someone special in my life who my best friends jokingly, and respectfully refer to as "Ladyfriend". So for the time being, that's how I will refer to her in Crossing Paths. She is facing her own fork in the road. The thing is, her fork has about twelve different options, and all carry potential consequences which make mine look like choosing between the Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.

When looking at the fork in the road, it's impossible to determine that one is the correct road, and all other options are wrong. It's frustrating. It's frightening. It's overwhelming. In my case, I prayed and prayed. I thought and thought. But when it came down to making a decision, I considered one simple, inescapable factor.

Which path will require more faith?

That was it. All other questions made each path seem completely equal. That was the only question in which I could see a clear distinction. I knew that moving to a new city, going to a new church, getting a new job, and all the other starting-over elements were going to require me to reach a new level of faith. A level I had never faced before. I knew neither path would be wrong, but I was certain that taking the road to Rocklin would require of me a level of faith and spiritual maturity that you can only reach in sacrifice. I would have to sacrifice the familiar and comfortable nest I had built over a decade's time, for the great unknown.

The path has not been an easy one, but it's one I have never regretted.

If you're not currently facing a fork in the road, you will. If it is not clear to you which is the path to take, don't flip a coin or refer to the Magic 8 ball. Ask for wisdom. Consider which path will require the most faith. That doesn't mean do something stupid or that puts you in danger. It means consider the path that will require you to trust in, and rely on God in a way that makes you uncomfortable to think about.

If you know someone who is in this situation right now, support them. Advise them. Pray with, and for them. You cannot make the decision for them. Sometimes you may have a better view of the situation than they do. Be the voice of wisdom. Ask the question. What will bring you to a higher level of faith?

Once the decision is made, then what?

I'll tell you Monday.

Live out loud, but quietly

 ¹¹Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, ¹²so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

In this era, of the 24 hour news cycle, paparazzi, Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, iPads, iPhones and so on and so on, it is increasingly difficult to live a quiet life, and not know the details of everyone you know. I don't have a problem with social media. I utilize it. However, where is the line drawn?

In business, in ministry, in friendships, it's critical to communicate, network and promote. Today, a 12 year old with a laptop can make themselves famous, or infamous, with a single 30 second YouTube video available to the entire world. 

I recently crossed the scripture I used to open this post. I've read it before, numerous times. But this particular time, it hit me in a profound way. So many of us live our lives in complete contradiction to these verses. So many people live their lives on such a loud scale, they become a nuisance. You know what I mean. Like the car with the stereo so loud, you can hear the exterior of the car vibrating. The occupants of the car seem to think that we all need to hear the song to which they are listening. In truth, all we hear is the annoying pounding of the bass in the subwoofer. There are those who literally believe everyone needs to know their every thought and action in a given day. Yet, it doesn't take long before all that the rest of us hear anymore is a pointless boom-boom-boom. 

And how many people get swept away by living vicariously through the perceived excitement of someone else's life, rather than living their own? But that's another topic for another day.  

As with all things, moderation is the key. I use a lot of tools to connect, network and promote. But I have seen the damage that can come by becoming obsessed with them. 

When I read these verses again recently, I thought of the people in my life I respect and admire most. Some of them use social media tools. None of them are controlled or dependent on them. Their greatest and most significant accomplishments happen outside of the self-created limelight. They don't need accolades. They don't need applause. They don't even want any of that. They are not busy-bodies, prying into the lives of others. They are not gossips. They are not attention seekers. They are simply good people of strong character, even when no one notices.

There is something profound in living a simple and quiet life. You can still live a full and exciting life while being quiet. When I think of quiet, I think of how keen my senses are to my surroundings. Like being in nature, away from honking car horns, sirens, construction sites, and the tumult of 21st century living. When you get away from it all, you hear the birds singing. You can hear the gentle lapping of the water at the lake's edge. It's peaceful. 

"Make it your ambition," means it has to be a choice. Determine that you will put less of your effort on broadcasting your life, and instead, live it in a way that pleases, honors and reflects the attributes of the One who breathed life into you. Be a person of strong character. Do good even when no one else will ever see or hear of it. 

The more you promote yourself, the more dependent you become on the accolades of others, and you lose their respect. The more you seek to do good solely for the eyes of God, the more respect you will have for yourself, and the ones who matter will soon follow.

The REAL Ground Zero

On this, the ninth anniversary of the most horrible event any of us have ever witnessed, I find myself conflicted. On one hand, I'm compelled to saturate my consciousness with the images of that day. I need to remember. I must not allow myself to become complacent about how I feel about my country. I must remember so that I can reflect on where I've come from, and how our country has changed since that day. I must process these thoughts and feelings in order to keep my life and my priorities in their proper perspective.

On the other hand, I'm disgusted with how divided we have become as a country. 

September 11th is a day of memorial. It should be a day of reflection. It should be a day to count our blessings. It should be a day in which we are reminded that the freedom we have to disagree with one another, and even our government. Yet, it is so hated by some that they would attack innocent people within our borders in hopes of decimating our way of life.

Little by little, the corrosion of evil that pierced America that day has been eating away at our foundation ever since. Instead of September 11th being a day of unity, of reflection, of humility, of sadness, of pride, it has become a day self-serving, attention craving fools use to further an agenda. September 11th has become a pile of feces on the ground into which they rub the noses of those they hate.

Ground Zero will always be synonymous with the footprint in which the World Trade Center towers once stood. However, that is the tangible, geographical place. The real ground zero is intangible. Nine years later, our focus has shifted from the nearly 3,000 lives lost, to ideology. Faith. Religion. Today, we have a knucklehead in Florida who stirred up controversy and rattled national security by threatening to burn copies of the Koran. We have the ongoing debate over the mosque, or "Islamic Cultural Center" being erected on property so close to where the towers stood, it was damaged by flaming plane parts from the attack. 

This morning, I read the account of a local man I met who approached two Muslim women yesterday. As a Christian man, he found it appropriate to tell them that the kook in Florida did not represent the beliefs we uphold as believers. We do not hate. We don't share their beliefs, but we love them. It is not our desire or mission to antagonize them or attack that which they hold as sacred. One woman responded with a simple and gracious "thank you". The other lashed out at him and said that the explosion and devastation in San Bruno was God's punishment for the threat of the Koran burning. 

Ground Zero.

As time moves forward and I'm pounded over the head by those who claim we're  intolerant, I choose to stand for what I believe. I choose to practice what I believe. You don't have to believe as I do, but you cannot, and will not deprive me of doing so. Nor will I seek to deprive you. I am an American. I am a Christian. Like it or not, America is rooted in Christianity. It is no surprise that both are under attack. Those who would like to destroy us do not hate us. They hate what we believe. They hate what we stand for. 

The real Ground Zero. May we never forget. May we have the courage to defend it.      

Who do they say that I am?

As you may have seen/read/heard, there is a new poll out which indicates that 1 in 5 Americans believe our President is Muslim. While critics may dismiss the 18% who believe that as wingnuts who have an agenda, a more frightening number of Americans claim to have no idea what religion Mr. Obama is. The bottom line is, 63% of the people questioned don't see evidence of what he proclaims to be his faith.

Despite the low hanging fruit that this topic is, politically, I would like to shine the light on the rest of us. 

The question of the President's religion, and the subsequent confusion over the answer, is due to his comments and actions which can be interpreted as more sensitive and tolerant of Islam than Christianity. Mr. Obama has publicly identified himself as a Christian.  However, he chooses to practice his beliefs privately, and avoids the topic with a matador's flare.

You see, what we do and say will either confirm what we claim, cast a shadow of doubt, or even cause others to flat out think we're lying. 


Obviously, none of us live our lives under a microscope as does the President of the United States. None of us have reporters in our face asking us what we think of the potential mosque near Ground Zero, with the entire world scrutinizing every syllable of our response. That being said, we all operate in a smaller world where people are watching. If someone were to sit down at your computer and access your browsing and search history, would it confirm or cast a shadow of doubt on who you claim to be? When you're at a restaurant and your food comes to you cold or wrong, would your reaction confirm who you say you are, or would your server return to the kitchen with a very different opinion? When you're in a big hurry to get somewhere, would the other drivers on the road roll their eyes as you whip in front of them, exposing your fish decal on your rear window?


If a poll were to be taken of the people you have had contact with in the past month, and they were told you claim to be Christian, would they believe you or not? Would they believe you are tolerant and loving toward people who don't share your beliefs? Would they be convinced you live what you believe? Would you be a credit to your faith? Do you choose to practice your beliefs in private, and keep God locked up in a room so no one will see Him in you?


Your world is watching. Who do they say that you are?

Saturday Rerun: October 7, 2008 on the topic of Worry

It's been nearly 2 years since I wrote the post below. It's encouraging to "hear" my own voice as I was at that phase of my life. As background, I had been in my new home town for 3 months. My mom was, to the best of our knowledge at the time, in fairly good health. I was just a couple weeks away from landing a new job. Life was uncertain, but I had my faith. Little did I know what the coming months would have in store for me.

But God knew.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Worry, Enemy of Confidence

Posted by Corey Matelli at 10:30 AM

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
~Matthew 6:25-27

Worry is a cancer. It consumes confidence, logic and faith. It's paralyzing to better judgment. It's the engine of panic. Worry is an accuser. It puts thoughts in your head which war against logic and faith. Worry tries to tell us that the worst is bound to happen. It tells us we don't deserve the very best.
I have often joked about being born into a long line of worriers. My grandmother on my mom's side was the queen bee of worry. When I would talk to her, whether by phone or in person, she would ask me a familiar litany of questions. Was I eating ok, do I still have a job, is my car working, and so on. This is no exaggeration. When I would assure her that things were fine and there was nothing to worry about...that would worry her.

I was not raised by my grandmother, but my mom was. My mom is a woman of great faith. She is a prayer warrior. A strong woman. But when it comes to her children, she takes on the familiar tone of my grandmother.

Worry is a battleground for us. Read the paper and watch the news today. You will see that worry is gripping our nation. For me, 2008 has been a buffet of life issues which could cause one to lose their minds and faith with worry. But I'm pleased to say that I have honestly and consciously pressed in to my faith in order to see myself through. But lest I feel I have permanently conquered this psychological menace, God reminds me that in some areas in my life, there are still battles to be won.

I have said it many times. There are many things we can control, and a great many more which we cannot. In the past several months, I have taken the bull by the horns and made some significant strides in making some tweaks and adjustments to things within my control. The true test comes when you can honestly let go of the things you can't. When it came to my job search in my new town, I think I did pretty well. I did all that I could to position myself for God's blessing. In finding a church and getting involved in ministry, I did the same thing. I've even undergone some more personal transformation in shedding some weight and heading back toward a physical standard to my liking.

Faith requires discipline. Worry is the complete absence of faith and discipline. Walking in faith, walking in confidence that God is with us and will never leave us or forsake us, can be as natural to us as breathing.

I am created in God's image. Psalm 139 goes into great detail about the degree of insight and familiarity He has with every microscopic detail of my being. Who am I to question my Creator? What do I hope to gain by worrying?

Today is a new day. His mercies are new every single day. And today, worry has no place in my life.

When the going gets tough

Yeah, you know the rest of the famous quote. The essence of the saying is that difficulties do not change who we are, they reveal who we are. I know people who are going through the most difficult times of their entire lives as I write this sentence. What amazes and inspires me is that in the face of these difficulties, they find the ability to laugh. They remain faithful to their beliefs. They don't hide away from friends, families and commitments.

On the flip side, there are people with motives and intentions which blow my mind. You can't find people with such evil in their hearts in the cheesiest of soap operas. In my business, I run across a lot of situations where you see people in some difficult situations. Some handle it with dignity, others with the worst behavior imaginable. 

These circumstances remind me that when the going gets tough, who we are will be revealed and intensified. I pray that when I go through the storms of life, I will handle things with the grace, dignity, humility and most of all, the faith I have seen in the people I admire the most. If I don't handle things the way I should, I pray I have a soft heart to receive the counsel of those I trust.


If you're going through a difficult time, be objective and honest with yourself with how you're handling things. If you aren't happy with the way you're dealing with it, spend some time with someone you trust and admire. Ask them to walk with you and mentor you. Choose someone who possesses wisdom and faith. Choose someone who will spend time in prayer with you. Choose someone who will open their bible with you.


If you're not going through a storm right now...you will. Sorry to tell you that. In the calm, prepare yourself. Fortify your faith. Fortify your mind. Fortify your heart. Once again, God's Word contains all we need to prepare us for the inevitable storms in our lives.

The Best Offense Is To Be Offensive

I have to chime in on the whole Cinco de Mayo incident at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, CA. Personally, I'm pretty tired of having the beliefs I hold most dear being considered "offensive" to a vast minority of people. My faith and my patriotism are under attack in, of all places, the United States of America. I'm not surprised by any of this, mind you. Things are so backwards these days. The tail is wagging the dog, and we've allowed it to happen. 

It certainly isn't our intention to be offensive. We're just such easy pushovers. All one has to do is simply accuse someone of being a child molester, and they are automatically guilty in the court of public opinion, even if it's totally made up. Similarly, being called a hater, a racist, a homophobe or any such thing automatically makes the target defensive and guilty even in the absence of truth. 
 
Men and women have laid down their lives to defend the very symbol of freedom these students proudly displayed last week. Memorial Day is only weeks away. Will immigrants be sent home from school or work if they wear the colors of their native country? I certainly hope not. 

My faith enables me to love those who disagree with me. It liberates me to be gracious in the face of opposition. My patriotism does the very same. How can I be surprised that those without faith and without love of this great country only seek to mock, bully, slander and silence their opposition?

I'm proud to see those who share my faith and my patriotism beginning to stand up and fight back. I'm excited to see people shining the light of truth upon the deception of hypocrisy and double-standards. We must not allow others to hang false accusations around our necks without standing up for the truth. Even leaders in our government are making wildly irresponsible characterizations about their constituents. 

The pathway to the defeat of all we believe in and stand for is paved with ignorance and passivity. We must make ourselves available to the truth, then proclaim it loudly and forcefully!

"...the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force."
Matthew 11:12b

Location, Location, Location

I was reminded of this old real estate adage yesterday in church. It got me to thinking about how important it is to be in the center of God's will. I think we tend to think of this place as being an itty bitty spot that is almost impossible to find, much less stay in with any degree of consistency. 

In my life, I have definitely been outside His will. However, I have spent much time being where God wants me to be. In those cases, it has always been when I have purposed to be who He wants me to be. I am simply at my best when I concern myself with pleasing Him rather than myself or anyone else. When I look to Him, I simply can't help but bless the lives of others, while at the same time, experiencing His goodness in my life. This doesn't mean everything goes perfectly. This doesn't mean things are easy. It just means that my faith is strong when my heart is properly calibrated with His.

Psalm 37:23-24 tells us that when we please God's heart, He stabilizes the very ground we walk on. In other words, He will bless our journey when we focus on Him. Verse 24 even makes allowance for the inevitable times when we lose our balance in life. We don't need to be perfect. Just submitted and committed. 

God is blessing me abundantly. It is not because of my righteousness. He is blessing me because, 

   A) He loves me. 
   B) Because He knows without His blessing, I'm lost. 
   C) Because I know that without Him, I'm lost. 
   D) Because I know that anything good about me is because of His love and faithfulness.

I don't stress out anymore about trying to make things happen. Life is just too big and too complicated on your own. You can do all the right things, and still the end result can blow up in your face. But when I'm in right relationship with God, He will order my steps and put me in the right place at precisely the right moment. By my doing, it's coincidental. By God's doing, it's providential. The pressure is completely off of me.  


If you're agonizing over something in your life right now, let it go. Release it. Instead, focus on pleasing the Lord. Trust Him. Trust His word. He's working on something for you right now that will blow your mind. But the only way you'll recognize it, the only way you'll have the wisdom to appreciate it, the only way you'll have the maturity to receive it is to put yourself in the right location. It's not as elusive as you think.